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    開心一笑的小段子

    2018-11-05 17:06:08 好句 來源:http://www.ssiise.com 瀏覽:

    導讀:   現在的社會哪里都有壓力,壓力成為了每個人都想要解決的東西。我們可以通過很多種方法解除壓力,比如笑話,能讓人捧腹大笑的段子,搞笑......

    【www.ssiise.com - 好句】
      現在的社會哪里都有壓力,壓力成為了每個人都想要解決的東西。我們可以通過很多種方法解除壓力,比如笑話,能讓人捧腹大笑的段子,搞笑到里眼淚都逼出的幽默段子。下面是煙花美文網www.ssiise.com 為大家整理的開心一笑的小段子,供大家參考。

      開心一笑的小段子

      1.你究竟是回避我?還是你我之間無緣?我可是每天都想著你,得不到你我是不會罷休的!你讓我擁有你吧?哪怕是一年也好啊!我親愛的……五百萬彩票!

      2.糯米飯跟包子打架打輸了,很不服氣走在路上碰見了燒賣劈頭就打,只見燒賣立即脫掉外衣,氣憤的說:“其實我是臥底!!”

      3.我說:“你是豬。”你說:“我是豬才怪!”從此我就叫你豬才怪。終于有一天,你忍不住當著眾人的面對我吼道:“我不是豬才怪!”

      4.我座位邊上有個單身的男生,今天突然有個漂亮妹子過來找他,說今天末日哦,你準備怎么過?他想也不行就回答:太傻了你,這你也信。然后妹子默默走了。

      5.一對夫婦共生8胎,依次為桂花。茶花。梅花。菊花。黃花。草花。野花,最后一個叫沒錢花。

      6.某男到外地出差,在車站和熱戀中的女友分別,女友深情款款地摸著他的臉,含淚不語,N分鐘后,他說:有什么話就說吧,這又不是觸摸屏!

      7.室友整日忙著幫女友偷菜,感覺其興致如此高昂,甚是詫異,遂問:“偷菜果真如此有趣?”室友:“我偷的是菜嗎?是女友的心!”

      8.風飄飄雨飄飄,妹妹叫我學吹蕭,吹到房里欲火燒,脫掉褲抱是書生,著腰,妹妹抓住我的大香蕉,張開腿抱著腰,喊著叫我處絕招,喂!喂!喂!今晚還要搞通宵!

      9.動物園里猴再交配,小朋友見了問爸爸:它們在干什么?爸爸想了一會兒,說:它們在跳鞍馬,可后面的總跳不過去!

      10.上生物課,老師講到“植物是生產者,動物是消費者,細菌是分解者…”我們班某男子說出一句“我是第三者!”。

      開心一笑的小段子

      兩個醉漢駕著汽車狂奔。甲:“小心點!前面是急轉彎。”乙:“什么?不是你在開車嗎?”

      一個農夫的女兒實在太丑了,他只好讓她去玉米地當稻草人嚇唬烏鴉。結果,她不僅嚇走了烏鴉,甚至有三只烏鴉嚇得把一些玉米送了回來。

      “我從小喜歡追根究底,長大后的志愿是當偵探,現在是報刊的主編,你呢?”

      “我從小喜歡玩,長大后的志愿是懷揣大把的錢到處去逛,現在是公交車售票員。”

      晚上回家,聽到巷子有哭聲,靠近一看,原來是一衣衫不整的女子在哭。問怎么了,小姐答:“我被色狼侵犯了!”我:“沒事吧?”小姐答:“他突然從背后抓住我的胸部,然后就把我放了……”我:“那還哭什么呢?”小姐答:“因為……那色狼居然說,真倒霉,竟然抱到個男的。”

      一壁虎誤入鱷魚池,喪命之時,壁虎急中生智,一把抱住鱷魚大叫:“媽媽!”鱷魚一愣,立刻老淚縱橫:“孩子,都瘦成這樣了,別再上班了!放假休息下吧。”

      某警察到泰國辦案,夜里叫了個小姐。幾番云雨后,小姐在警察懷中還不停摸警察的小弟弟。警察非常愜意,問:“你還想再來嗎?”小姐黯然:“不是,就是挺懷念的,以前我也有。”

      老總上班后,坐在那里郁悶,秘書問何故?老總:“昨天我收到一個家伙的信,說如果我不離開他老婆他就殺了我!”秘書:“您離開他老婆不就行了嘛!”老總:“可那家伙沒有署名!”

      有一回,有個很壞的太監攔住紀曉嵐,要求他講個笑話。紀曉嵐說:“從前,從前有一個人。”然后沉默了許久,這個太監耐不住的問道:“下面呢?”紀曉嵐答道:“下面沒有了啊!”

      受害者滿腔怒火,淚如雨下,他舉起一把大刀就架在了美女的脖子上,然后憤怒地對她說:只要你肯嫁給我,我不會殺你的。

      小明告訴媽媽,今天客人來家里玩的時候,哥哥放了一顆圖釘在客人的椅子上,被我看到了。媽媽說:“那你是怎幺做的呢?”小明說:“我在一旁站著,等客人剛要坐下來的時候,我將椅子從他后面拿走了。”

      一天在擁擠的公車上的一段對話情形如下:一個站著的懷孕婦人對著他身旁坐著的一位男子說:『你不知道我懷孕了嗎?』(想要他讓座只見男子很緊張的說:孩子不是我的;

      開心一笑的小段子

      1.剛才在一個網站注冊了一個用戶名“爹”,結果它給我發來郵件,一看就震精了,“爹,您好,恭喜您,您的用戶名已經注冊成功了!”我汗...

      2.漫漫人生路,誰不錯幾步,家里要照顧,情人也得處,家里留個做飯的,身邊留個好看的,外邊養個浪漫的,遠方有個思念的,保住二,守住一,發展三四五六七。

      3.暮色濃濃如酒,秋風輕輕吹柳,菊花敗了許久,你在何處奔走,天氣冷了許久,你加衣服沒有,城市不讓養狗,主人打你沒有,平安可要來電,免我一直掛念!

      4.某男看完國足比賽,于當晚在QQ上奮筆疾書,改掉簽名:一個男球迷的夢想——找個女足姑娘,生十一個兒子,他們不行我兒子上。

      5.我是一棵孤獨的樹,千百年來矗立在路旁,寂寞地等待,只為有一天,你從路邊輕輕走過的時候,為你傾倒!哼!砸不扁你就算我白活了。

      6.一男要跳樓,其妻大喊道:親愛的別沖動,我們的路還長著呢!男子聽后,嗖地跳了下去。警察說:“你真不該這樣威脅他!!”

      7.大學時經常流連的那家夜店,而所認識的一位小青年,我曾問他是做什么工作的,怎么也老在泡吧?他說他是賣雞精的。我就又問,是太太樂么?他說,嗯,太太樂。

      8.上聯:這TM天,真TM冷,凍TM死了,咋TM整?下聯:活TM該,倒TM霉,穿TM少了,賴TM誰!橫批:全TM廢話!

      9.這么多年了,知道我找你找得多辛苦嗎?我走遍全世界,就是為了尋找一張像你這樣的臉!這是我的名片,隨時歡迎到我的整形醫院來!

      10.發條短信搞騷擾,給忘記我的人警告,必須天天把我想到,給記起我的人勸告,誰請我吃飯我就對誰好,給愛我的人忠告,你的幸福我給不了。

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