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    復讀的年代

    2019-06-19 11:42:01 精美散文 來源:http://www.ssiise.com 瀏覽:

    導讀:   昨天讀到了一篇老同學的文章,是關于高中時復讀的情況,也是由于偏科才落了第,為了能夠光宗耀祖,就去原先的母校繼續地上學,而且那一......

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      昨天讀到了一篇老同學的文章,是關于高中時復讀的情況,也是由于偏科才落了第,為了能夠光宗耀祖,就去原先的母校繼續地上學,而且那一年考得相當高的分數,終于如愿以償,滿足了愿望,成為了一個人才。讀了幾篇,一直反復在思考一個問題:我復讀了幾次,為什么就不能如此呢?

      往前翻到了初二那一年,去考初中中專,分數確確實實差了太多,但不知是出于何種緣故,或者記不起是為了什么,沒有去上高中,而是繼續地去讀初三。那一年才有的初三,因此,就準備去上初三,繼續地考中專。然而讀了兩年初三,分數也不算太差,但幾分的距離,就把一大家子人的希望拉成了泡影。讀了三年的初三,年少的我復讀成了一個十八歲的大小伙子,本應該出來成家立業,去闖蕩一番的,也許是不服了氣,或者眼紅了本村考上的人,于是,又去讀了高中。

      三年的高中生涯,成為了我人生最記不清的年華,到底是怎么去度過的,懵懵懂懂的,如在云里霧中一般,迷失了那三年的光陰和歲月。現在想來三年是真的混得一蹋糊涂的,不僅害了自己,而且害了一家的親人。要是能夠有所警醒,或者懂得知恩圖報,也就會刻苦耐勞,去用功地讀書,也不至于落到個連會考都沒有通過的下場。我清清楚楚地記得,聽到了會考沒有過的信息,真的第一次愧疚了,在家里睡了多久,也沒有走出痛苦來。

      父母是包容的,或者是縱容的,給予我人生最大的寬慰,或者說是一次特別寬大的胸懷,所以,我可以繼續地去復讀。復讀的學費也是驚人的,對于富裕的家庭來說,算不了什么,但對于一個經濟窘迫的小家,那就不太容易了。為了我的復讀,父母是瞞著我,又去借了錢,是期望著我能夠有所出息。起初是懷著內疚的心情去讀的書,但壞毛病是改不了的,又在外面租了房子,不肯在學校住宿,而且經常跟人一起出去吃吃喝喝的,因此,一到了高考,就慌了神,又差了幾分,在高校的門外嘆息和惋惜了。

      印象最深的是復讀的學校來送通知,是坐了船送來的,就停在了故鄉的老家門口,一群的老師走上了岸,打聽我家的住所,父母一聽到,趕緊地去迎接,把他們接進了家門,就連忙地去燒菜煮蛋。然而,令一大家子的人失望的是名落孫山的結果,還是差了六七分,就又跌入到痛苦的深淵。

      看著父母痛苦和傷心的臉色,我深深地懺悔了,而且下了決心不再去復讀。夏天的炎熱,并沒有令我多么難受,也不出去看什么電視,雖說很吸引人,但我就是沒有興趣。在家悶睡了一段時日,我就下田了,跟著父母一起去勞動,也真的想從此后就以種田為生了。村子里跟我差不多大的人都跑來問我是否復讀,聽到我很果斷地不去復讀的話后,他們失望地走出了我的家門。

      在家辛苦地做活計,或者悶頭大睡,都沒有消減我內心積壓的痛楚和傷悲。一次次地反思,去把從前的歲月再一次地回篩,到底問題出在哪里了,為什么會一次又一次地錯失了機會。等把這些問題想清楚了,心里也豁然開朗,那一種不服輸的脾氣和性格,又讓我重新振作了起來,還是決定去復讀。

      我是一個寧折不彎的人,生來就不愿意服輸,也不會因為一次次的失敗,就會沮喪和墮落,從此不思進取了。當父親小心翼翼地跑來問我還去復讀的時候,我對他說,這一次考不上了,堅決不再上學,就去弄條大船,出去做生意。下了決心的我,還是信心十足的,是精神百倍的。父母再一次地相信了我,而且又出去借錢,把錢給了我,一個字都沒有說,只是勸我早點去復讀。

      在此之前我已經打聽到了一些熟人都在哪些學校復讀,之所以如此弄清情況,正因為怕跟他們一起上學,會影響到我自己,再一次地舊病復發,又要出去瞎折騰。離開了這些學校,我又回到了高中時的母校,獨自一個人跑去找校長,既談了復讀的事,又把學費降了一些。校長知道我高考時的分數,自然很高興,很是歡喜我的到來。

      復讀了,就要拋棄一切的顧慮,放下思想上的包袱,必須痛下決心去復習。由于所在的班級沒有一個熟悉的人,所以,前幾個月倒安靜的。可我是一個不安分的人,到哪都能夠迅速地發展,很快就與幾個比我小幾歲的學生玩熟了,打成了一片。和同學處關系也就罷了,最關鍵的是自己竟然喜歡上了一個復讀的女生,并且為此深陷進去。她就如一顆閃亮的星星,劃破了我愛的天空,把我照得迷迷蒙蒙了。

      從八六年十月份到第二年的五月份,我一直就迷失在愛的海洋里,不能走出去。最傷腦筋的是害了自己,更害了那個復讀的女孩子。由于我是一心一意地去追求,而且執執迷不悟,死死地糾纏著她,害得她不得不離開學校,回家去復習了。她一走,失落的我就在外面吃飯喝酒,而且去看電影和錄像。

      真是無巧不成書,也恰在此時,錄相室里放的正是自衛還擊的事,會考的作文又正好是寫這一個人,于是,我順利地通過了會考,分數還出奇地高。可那個命太苦了,不僅被我害了學習不成,而且不了解這一個人,又失了高分,就沒有通過會考。后來,也不知自己是怎么參加的高考,但分數出來了,一看,和會考一樣,這是命中注定,會如此奇跡般地發生了,令我都不知如何去面對。

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