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    我曉得你終將閃耀

    2019-06-20 14:42:02 勵志文章 來源:http://www.ssiise.com 瀏覽:

    導讀:   桑雨是她的網名,我們相識于一個叫作“五道口落榜群”的qq群。  五道口是原中國人民銀行金融研究院的別稱,現為清華大學五道口學院,......

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      桑雨是她的網名,我們相識于一個叫作“五道口落榜群”的qq群。

      五道口是原中國人民銀行金融研究院的別稱,現為清華大學五道口學院,一度被譽為金融學考研的巔峰。考研成績出來之后,不知道是誰建了這個群,但我們在群里熱火朝天地聊天時,都暫時忘記了落榜的痛苦。

      后來,我們一起去參加另一個學校的調劑復試,我才見到了現實中的她。她是典型的南方女孩,外表嬌弱,聲音很輕,但我一直記得她倔強的眼眸和一針見血的談吐,也記得我問她為什么要考五道口時,她只回答了八個字:“犯其至難,圖其至遠。”

      那時候,考上五道口的人里有很多是二戰甚至三戰。我是第一次考,但她已經是第二年考了,我們倆一樣差四分到復試線。想必她也和我一樣,聽到的言論多是:“啊,只差一點,明年肯定就考上了!”

      可就算“只差一點”,我也沒有勇氣再考一年。她也有些糾結,因為她如果再考一年就是三戰了。在這場最沒有硝煙又孤軍奮戰的戰役中,沒人能為你擔保“明年就能考上”,更沒人幫你分擔那些黑漆漆的夜里睜大著眼睛尋找希望的孤寂,和因為孤注一擲、背水一戰而承擔的莫大的壓力。何況女孩的青春原本就轉瞬即逝,為一個學校賭上三年的時光,家人的擔憂朋友的勸阻連同自己的懷疑都像是一條難以趟過的冰河,步步艱難,無可逾越。

      可我只聽她輕描淡寫地說起她二戰時獨自在校外租房復習的種種。我挺佩服她的,不說別的,就每天十四五個小時的復習強度,這已經超越了多少考研人。南方沒有暖氣的冬天,她獨自一人在出租房里抱著熱水袋看書做題,那么荒涼貧瘠的環境里,她心里全是溫熱的希望。

      調劑復試之后,我被錄取了。數番波折,百般糾結,我放棄了為五道口二戰的想法,而她,還是毅然回去準備了三戰。

      后來我們沒再聯系過。我開始了研究生生活,她又翻開了那些數學復習全書、英語單詞紅寶書、和不知看過多少遍的專業課筆記。整整一年里,她的qq簽名一直是阿蘭•德波頓的那句話:“我們在黑暗中掘地洞之余,一定要努力化眼淚為知識。”

      一年的時光唿嘯逝去,和已經過去的每一年一樣不留痕跡。第二年的春天,朋友發給我一個鏈接,是五道口的最終錄取名單。我一眼就看到她的名字赫然在列,初春的風透過窗子飄進來,讓人無法抑制眼里的熱淚。為著我所放棄的路途她舉步維艱地走到了終點,再明艷的鮮花和再響亮的掌聲都不夠作為對她的嘉賞。我想象她一個人趟過寒冷的冰河,遍嘗孤獨的滋味,在無人給予鼓勵時用強大的內心力量源源不斷地滋養著自己,終于走到了一個鶯飛草長的春天。

      三年的青春換一個夢想的入口,多少人問到底值不值,甚至有很多人稱唿堅持數年考研的人為“考研病人”。可青春里的唿嘯奔跑、顛沛流離,從沒有多少對錯和道理,“值得”二字可至輕也可至重,度量全在人心。我只是一早就知道,那個柔弱的她終將閃耀,如日光投射遼闊原野,如流星之于無垠天際。

      這段時間整理新書的書稿,那些模煳的往事帶著新鮮的潮濕卷土重來,我差點兒都忘了,我也曾為它們寫過那么多的字。我覺得,就算走到很遠很遠的以后,我也再難寫出比它們更坦蕩赤誠、飽含熱淚的字跡。因為它們所代表的坦蕩赤誠、飽含熱淚的歲月正一步一步和我告別,在我依依不舍地遠離校園時光時。

      時光倒回到一年前,我沉默地寫著它們時,我在豆瓣還只有一百多個關注,并沒有多少人看到。而實習單位卻有幾百個客戶等著我一一拜訪,他們都要忍受我在任務壓力下不厭其煩口干舌燥的營銷。我早已不記得他們的臉,自己開口前的尷尬忐忑,以及那些少許熱情多數冷漠的回應,只記得炙灼暑氣下發燙的公車座椅,盛熱正午餐廳里的小憩,還有因為手里濡濕的汗水而變得皺皺巴巴的產品單頁。

      所以實習結束的那一天,我終于得以從西褲換成西瓜紅的小熱褲,和小伙伴們笑著鬧著走在路上,只看到天空由于秋意的初臨而變得清朗高遠,一大蓬又一大蓬軟綿綿的云彩讓人想要大聲跳起來sayhi。我們都曬黑了累瘦了,可奔向未來的腳步鏗鏘有聲。

      后來開始找工作,我經常拿出它們來看看。在北京的深秋晚高峰推推攘攘的地鐵站里一條條地刷新招聘通知時,在天津的初冬穿著單薄西裝大衣難以抵御突如其來的降溫和大風時,在上海火車站候車大廳邊等火車邊看第二天要面試的企業簡介時。那些字跡,在后來溫暖無數個陌生人之前,首先無數次地溫暖了我自己。在我不知何去何從時,它們提醒著我過去的自己曾有過的勇敢和無畏,一路奔跑的身影和終于迎來的赤色艷陽。那些字跡,一個又一個,都是跳躍滾燙的初心,在字里行間得以永久封印。

      時間倒回到兩年前,也是暑假,第一次看到《異類》里的一萬小時天才理論,我在愿望清單里寫了好多個愿望,其中一個是出版一本書。后來是馬不停蹄的實習,和因為要考證總要在自習室里熬至深夜的場景。疲累又迷茫的日日夜夜里,反復叩問思索,期待著命運給我一次從容選擇的機會。十一月獨自在宿舍寫字,一推窗,白茫茫的新鮮雪地,仿佛大夢初醒一般讓人心中一動。舊事紛紛如飄零落雪,只有想到自己一路奔跑一直成長的路途才覺得凜凜寒風并不可畏,也只有自己才能將一個雨水溫熱山川溫柔的春天喚醒。

      時間倒回到四年前,上千人在一個悶熱的大教室里聽考研數學課。我從第一排轉身向后看,他們的神情竟出乎意料地相似。后來那樣的神情我在擁擠燥熱的企業宣講會上看過,在水泄不通的招聘現場看過,在新公司入職培訓的動員會上看過,在校園里手挽著手熱烈地談天說地的人群中看過。我才知道,那神情,屬于無數個年輕的你和我,屬于貧瘠年華里對未來最懇切的熱望,屬于被現實打敗之前耀目榮光的無畏青春。

      有段時間,網上盛傳一篇叫做“為什么要努力”的帖子。也有人問我,為什么要努力?我想,是因為人生有那么多就算你努力了也無法掌控的東西。比如你寤寐思服的那個人的心,比如父母漸漸老去的容顏,比如時間如流沙一般無可挽回的逝去。所以,對于那些努力了便能扎扎實實握在掌心的東西,為什么不珍惜為什么不爭取呢?

      說到底,年輕時所有的你追我趕、沖鋒陷陣,不過是為了兌換一場酣暢淋漓、了無遺憾的時光而已。讓無數個看似庸碌平凡實則豐饒激蕩的靈魂,在陷入回憶時能露出一抹溫柔的笑意。

      你一定和我一樣,明白除了在寒風中裹緊衣領往前走,別無他法能帶我們走向一個溫柔明媚的春天。

      而我也知道,在被庸碌現實俘虜之前,在被瑣碎生活招安之前,你終將閃耀,如日光投射遼闊原野,如流星之于無垠天際。

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