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    調侃熊貓的段子

    2018-10-30 11:00:57 段子 來源:http://www.ssiise.com 瀏覽:

    導讀:   熊貓是一種非常美麗可愛的動物。它的生活習性引人發笑。煙花美文網www.ssiise.com 小編為大家整理的相關的調侃熊貓的段子供大家參考選......

    【www.ssiise.com - 段子】
      熊貓是一種非常美麗可愛的動物。它的生活習性引人發笑。煙花美文網www.ssiise.com 小編為大家整理的相關的調侃熊貓的段子供大家參考選擇。

      調侃熊貓的段子

      1.一天一只大熊貓來到自然保護區的飯廳。

      服務員一看,那是只生在美國圣地亞哥的洋熊貓, 立刻堆起笑臉問:"Sir, may I help you?"

      熊貓答: "A sandwich, please. "

      吃完了三明治,熊貓站起身,拔出一支槍,一通亂射,然后懶洋洋地往外走。

      接待他的那個服務員抖膽問了一句 "Sir, why?"

      熊貓彬彬有禮地從口袋里拿出了一張標點符號點錯的自然保護區手冊。

      上寫著:"Panda: Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

      2.從前有一只熊貓,

      它到一家飯店點了菜就開始吃,吃完之后掏出一把槍亂放幾槍走了。

      飯店的老板就問它,你為什么要這樣做?

      熊貓就說,你查一下字典。

      老板發現字典上寫著:

      Panda:an animal,eats shoots and leaves

      1、熊貓男要強奸熊貓女,熊貓女奮力抵抗、誓死不從。熊貓男失敗后憤憤地說: “我們都快滅絕了耶~~~!

      2、為保護國寶,熊貓館的工作人員找了很多母熊貓,想讓館內的公熊貓與其交配。 夜,公熊貓仰天長泣:“你們就知道讓我交配交配

      大熊貓為什么叫滾滾

      2008年汶川大地震的時候,網上有人非常關心四川臥龍大熊貓繁育中心的熊貓怎么樣了。之后又網友回帖說:“它們大概在那里滾來滾去滾來滾去滾來滾去。”這個段子的出現,讓網友表示一致贊同,于是乎,“滾滾”的稱呼就傳開了。

      其實大熊貓最喜歡的一項運動就是打滾兒了,所以,將其成為“滾滾”可以說是極其非常以及十分地貼切。參照“滾滾”,發揚我們無比強大的BT精神,我們還可以給其它動物起個昵稱。比如:大象叫“卷卷”、豬叫“拱拱”、老鼠叫“鉆鉆”、雞叫“刨刨”……哈哈哈!!!

      網友評論“滾滾”

      1.論滾的方式我只服國寶,太可愛了,感覺就是懶得走,也無聊,自己滾著玩兒,然后還感覺自己萌萌噠。

      2.這貨應該還不知道自己是國寶,我以前以為長得圓滾滾的所以才叫滾滾,沒想到一個個的這么能滾。滾一下就算了,連著滾好幾下,直接用滾代替出行。

      3.大熊貓變成一級保護動物不是沒有原因的,這么懶連走路都用滾的,怪不得差點就滅絕。

      4.走路都靠滾,平時只會賣個萌,想知道原來沒有人類它們是怎么生存的,碰到微危險動物,是不是也賣個萌就解決了呢?

      關于熊貓的笑話

      1床前明月光,熊貓在燒香

      專殺殺不盡,兩眼淚汪汪

      2熊貓燒不盡,關機開又生

      3寶劍鋒自磨礪出,熊貓香自網上來。

      無邊香火燒燒下,不盡熊貓滾滾來。

      身心俱疲終不悔,為貓消得人憔悴。

      千呼萬喚使出來,害我想砍熊貓刀。

      4相見時難殺亦難,熊貓燒香百機殘。

      5熊貓遜雪三分白,雪卻輸貓一炷香。

      6天長地久有時盡,此香綿綿無絕期。

      7貓兒香香燒九州,幾家歡樂幾家愁。

      8亂香漸欲燒機毀,熊貓才能沒機房。

      9燒香時難滅亦難,殺軟無力電腦殘。

      熊貓燒香如此多嬌,引無數網民竟折腰。

      10上邪,此貓欲燒吾香,山無棱、天地合,此貓殺不絕。

      11朝辭木馬卡巴間,千里熊貓一刻來.

      兩岸燒香停不住,病毒已染萬重山.

      12熊貓鏟盡根除日,家祭毋忘告乃機。

      13一提熊貓淚千行,咋知何日不燒香。

      貓撲何處無熊貓,何必單戀三枝香。

      熊貓未死香不盡,殺毒正掃淚怎干?

      路逢熊貓須當避,不是高手莫修機。

      只因世上多熊貓,才有人間百毒生。

      熊貓一個能毀機,殺毒一堆也關閉。

      14久旱逢熊貓, 它鄉遇燒香。

      機房殺毒夜,明早裝機時。

      15夢里尋貓千百度,驀然回首已在香火柵欄處。

      16未中莫笑已中者,熊貓一會到你家。

      17熊貓宜解不宜結,生生燒香幾時休

      18冬眠不覺曉,病毒卡巴絞,

      熊貓夜燒香,文件毀多少?

      19江民瑞星昏花,

      金山諾頓搬家,

      卡巴斯基墮馬。

      熊貓燒香,

      網中人在死捱!

      20老貓伏櫪,志在千機;病毒暮年,燒香不已。

      21滿機熊貓關不住,三支高香出墻來。

      22年年歲歲貓相似,歲歲年年香不同。

      23熊貓離家帶香回,毒性無改勢未衰。

      卡巴相見不相識,笑問貓從何處來?

      24勸君更燒一炷香,系統恢復無鏡像。

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