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    逗女朋友的段子

    2018-10-31 11:18:58 段子 來源:http://www.ssiise.com 瀏覽:

    導讀:   不知什么時候開始,我已離不開你。煙花美文網www.ssiise.com 小編為大家整理的相關的逗女朋友的段子供大家參考選擇。  逗女朋友的段......

    【www.ssiise.com - 段子】
      不知什么時候開始,我已離不開你。煙花美文網www.ssiise.com 小編為大家整理的相關的逗女朋友的段子供大家參考選擇。

      逗女朋友的段子

      逗女朋友開心的小套路

      1、老張:老李的洗衣店要開張了!我們送什么好呢?老王:我們送個匾額好了。老張:上面要寫什么?老王:就寫還我清白吧!

      2、“大爺,您都八十多了,還叫老伴兒親愛的,請問您是怎么做到的?”大爺:“別提了,前幾年突然忘記她叫啥了,又不敢問。

      3、美術學校規定男生不準和女模特談戀愛。小強不但談還使模特懷孕。被學校知道了。幾天后學校宣布:小強因破壞道具被開除。

      4、尋豬啟事:本人丟純種小白豬一只。特征:聰明伶俐,善解人意,身上帶一部手機并在查閱短信。速回信息!主人現在好想你!

      5、美國人在中國坐出租車:你的車真慢!我們的快得多。到目的地,收費五十元。“啊!這么貴!”答:“這個計價器是美國貨!”

      6、這是我手機能發的最后一條短信了,最后這條最珍貴的我留給了你,因為有句話我一直想對你說,卻沒有說出口——幫我充值吧!

      7、當我狠下心扭頭離去那一刻,你在我身后無助的哭泣,撕心裂肺的痛楚讓我剎那間明白我多么愛你。我轉身抱住你:這豬不賣了。

      8、一位母親抱孩子在車站等車,聽人議論她的孩子丑,便哭;一先生正吃香蕉,走過來安慰她說:別哭了,這根香蕉給你的猴吃吧。

      9、公豬和母豬結婚頭一天晚上,公豬發現母豬不是處豬,怒斥到:是誰干的?母豬低著頭紅著臉不好意思的說:是看短信的這個家伙。

      10、眾公雞追一母雞引頸長鳴,母雞見其中一公雞低頭不語,遂心動。新婚夜,母雞:你真酷,當時咋不叫?公雞:那天喝多了…怕吐。

      11、胖媽辦會員卡時,說:我現在29歲零幾個月了……工作人員看了看,懷疑的說:零幾個月了?胖媽糾結了半天,說:零66個月了……

      12、剛才我拈了一掛鞭炮,準備過年放,你看見了,就要點,我說先別點,你和我嘔氣,大喊"我非點我非點",結果醫院來把你接走了。

      13、軍官對新戰士進行考試:在漆黑的夜晚,你正在站崗,突然有人從背后把你抱住,你該說什么?一個戰士迅速回答:親愛的,放開我。

      14、大海上有一艘很大的艦艇,它本來的定員是60人,結果,只載了59個人,它居然就沉進海里了!這是為什么?答案:這是一艘潛水艇。

      15、剛才我拈了一掛鞭炮,準備過年放,你看見了,就要點,我說先別點,你和我嘔氣,大喊“我非點我非點”,結果醫院來把你接走了。

      16、男青年撫摸著女友穿著迷你裙的大腿:親愛的,我愛你!女友被愛撫得神魂顛倒:再,再高一點兒!男青年提高嗓門:親愛的,我愛你!

      17、一老農為試偉哥之效,買來喂公鴨吃,次日公鴨失蹤,老農尋鴨卻見全村母鴨被干死,抬頭見公鴨立于樹梢,問其故,鴨曰:想日老鷹!

      18、寶貝啊,你是我心中的太陽,眼前的月亮,鼻下的花香,耳旁的微風,頭上的云彩,身后的清泉,可惜我卻不小心踩死了你——螞蚱小強!

      19、專愛打聽別人事的人是誰?答案:記者。誰工作時整天添油加醋?答案:廚師。參加小提琴考級(打一動物)答案:考拉,考的就是拉嘛。

      20、阿明給一暗戀的女生寫匿名信。那女孩開始很激動,然后就報警了。原來那匿名信是用報紙上剪下的鉛字拼湊成的:我注意你已經很久了。

      20句情話句子,逗女朋友開心的套路段子

      1、

      “我有點抑郁”

      “怎么了?”

      “一天沒見到你了”

      2、

      “我有一個雄心壯志你要聽嗎?”

      “嗯,你說”

      “拉著你的手過完這輩子”

      3、

      “對方正在申請進入你的世界”

      “請通過審核”

      4、

      “你知道你像什么嗎?”

      “像什么?”

      “像地球一樣吸引著我”

      5、

      “君問歸期未有期”

      “巴....”

      “巴不得天天粘著你”

      6、

      “我飲過最烈的酒”

      “是你低頭噙著笑的溫柔”

      7、

      “你為什么這么宅呢?”

      “一直都在我心里不出去”

      8、

      “今天我去跑步了”

      “竟然跑了一個愛你的形狀”

      9、

      “愿自己有兩個靈魂”

      “一個陪你追”

      “一個待你歸”

      10、

      “想和你去不同的地方”

      “和你睡不同的床”

      11、

      “我一直想要一種感覺”

      “什么感覺?”

      “和你在一起的感覺”

      12、

      “我這里有個愛”

      “想不想知道怎么做”

      13、

      “我好想從背后抱著你”

      “聞聞你身上的味道”

      “把下巴擱在你的肩上然后乖乖睡著”

      14、

      “你知道愛情是從哪里開始的嗎?”

      “從你我開始的”

      15、

      “我媽給了我這張臉”

      “我就注定要等你”

      16、

      “這世界車水馬龍”

      “我只對你情有獨鐘”

      17、

      “我有一個愿望”

      “有一天我愛你能倒著寫”

      18、

      “想不想上天?”

      “怎么上?”

      “今晚來我家,我幫你”

      19、

      “誒!給你看個美女”

      “(手機打開鏡子工具)喏!”

      20、

      “七夕節快到了”

      “暗戀我的人”

      “你怎么那么沉得住氣”

      逗女朋友的爆笑段子

      1、初中的時候迷武俠小說,上課的時候都在看一次上課看金庸《天龍八部》的時候被老師發現了,沒收,然后大吼:把其它七本給我交出來。

      2、弟弟看到兩只狗在干那事,便問姐姐它們在做什么,姐姐不好意思地回答:“它們在打架。”

      旁邊的男生大笑。

      姐姐怒道:“笑什么笑?想打架呀 ?!”

      3、男人最痛苦的日子: 十二月一日;男人最愜意的日子: 一月三十一日。

      4、我對一漂亮mm說:“今天我請你吃飯。”她說:“不吃了,改日吧~”我很興奮!

      我對一兄弟說:“今天我請你吃飯。”他說:“不吃了,改日吧~”我很尷尬……

      一漂亮mm對我說:“今天我請你吃飯。”我說:“不吃了,改日吧~”她說不行-_-!

      一恐龍對我說:“今天我請你吃飯。”我指著旁邊的猥瑣男說:“他日吧~”

      5、電視上出現了接吻鏡頭,爸爸讓兒子去倒杯水。不久,電視上又有接吻的場面,爸爸讓兒子再去倒杯水,兒子問:爸爸,是不是一看到有人親嘴你就口渴啊?

      6.

      小美:我昨天看了場演唱會。

      小王:是嗎,那不錯啊。是誰的演唱會啊?

      小美:杰倫啊。我最喜歡他了。昨天的演唱會可精彩了。

      小王:???杰倫最近沒有好像沒有開演唱會吧。

      小美:我在電視上看的

      小王:&……¥………… 我開始崇拜你了!

      7.有個男人在飯店大廳,想過去問服務生一個問題,當他轉身往柜臺方向走去時,不小心撞到了身旁的一個女士,而且是手肘碰到了她的胸部.那位男士轉過身去說:“女士,如果你的心跟你的胸部一樣軟的話,你一定會原諒我的”那女士答道:“如果你那活兒跟你的手肘一樣硬的話,我在1221號房。”

      8.某男逛妓院,問女價錢,女答:50元.男見便宜,干了.女說:請付100元,男問其因.女答進出各50元.男怒道:你他媽是中國移動啊,還雙向收費!

      9.雙胞胎在母親肚子里聊天.老大說:老爸不錯,經常伸頭來看我們.就是不愛衛生,吐口痰就走.老二說:還是隔壁的叔叔好.他吐完痰還用袋子把痰裝走.

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